Interview with Maelstrom of Whorde (New Jersey Black Metal)

You, Scum [my original contact had been Scum, but my questions received their answers from Maelstrom - Alky], vociferate and also perform batteries upon the drums of war, in partnership with Maelstrom the six-stringer, sans bass guitar, and claim to be influenced by such legendary bands as Beherit, VON, Hellhammer, Archgoat, Bathory, Black Crucifixion and Mayhem. These are musical entities that I have always been drawn to by their genuine disregard for conventional musical 'tastes.' Beherit in particular stands upon a grand pedestal, from my point of view. Tell me, what are your thoughts on the work of Holocausto and company, including his electronic/ambient works, including Suuri Shamaani. To me, he is a genius--as always, genius is rarely recognized until long after the death of the genius.

MAELSTROM- Holocausto was without a doubt one of the most creative songwriters of the 90's black metal scene. I feel that he achieved everything that black metal was sought out to be on their album "Drawing Down the Moon." It just gave you that dark fucking vibe that such immense evil lurks behind this world of light that so many cluelessly buy into. The riffs had so much violence and agression and yet were also dark as fuck. To be honest, I had never heard any of their ambiant releases but I hear electric doom synthesis isn't too bad.

This is a follow-up question: where did Mayhem go wrong? When did they die? I don't believe Mayhem survived beyond De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas; Wolf's Lair Abyss was somewhat interesting to me, but I never listen to it anymore, and it certainly does not have the spirit of Black Metal that Mayhem burned with.

MAELSTROM- The thing about Wolf's Lair Abyss was that some of those riffs were written by the dark prince himself. I personally thought that WLA was a great MCD but I really think it was Blasphemer's influnece that ruined it for a lot of people. Like him or not, Euronymous was the essence of Mayhem and that that essence died with him. I wouldn't have a problem with the WLA members playing together, but the name of the band shouldn't have been Mayhem because their last 2 full lengths didn't accurately represent what Mayhem's legacy truely was.

Tell me about the metal scene in general in your part of New Jersey. I know that Philly has a pretty strong metal presence, as well as NYC, so I'd imagine that somewhere between the two NJ has something going on. I recall years ago, maybe around the summer of 2000, when I was in Philly, there was a show somewhere in NJ, not far from Philly, featuring Bloodstorm with my favorite drummer Proscriptor McGovern filling in on drums, among other underground bands. This was a big deal. I was only 19 at the time, and when I went to all the trouble of going there, I was denied entry because it was a 21-and-over-only show. I couldn't fucking believe it. Did you see this show, or otherwise can you tell me anything about what went on that night?

MAELSTROM- Although some of the first and biggest black metal bands in the states are Jersey natives, there isn't too much going on here in the live scene. The last cool show I heard about was No Colours's INQUISION and Texas Elites BAHIMORON, but I must admit a lot of people made it out to that one. New Jersey is home to one of America's first and most influential black metal bands ABAZAGORATH. I'm also currently a guitarist in this band as well. Also from New Jersey is one of the biggest USBM bands of today KRIEG, who's leader also participated in USBM heavyweights JUDAS ISCARIOT and DEMONIC CHRIST. Since Jeresy is pretty overrun with a mass amount of tight pants wearing dick eating "NJHC" scenesters, you're better off catching a bus to NYC or a drive to Philly.

Now, about your demo "Sermon's Disease." I have not heard one millisecond of your music, due to my isolation, but that hasn't stopped me from inquiring about the burgeoning USBM scene now has it? Since anyone else reading this interview has probably not heard it either, it will benefit all of us for you to explain it. As obvious from your influences, you claim that your songs are about "the ugliness of life...filth, death, hate, pain and disease is our belief. Those who welcome these emotions and lifestyles into their hearts know how powerful they can be." With no bass track I can already imagine the aurally dismal nature of the music, but go a little further and explain your motivation with this demo.

MAELSTROM- The demo is raw as fuck!!! It is a brutal, nasty assult on the senses made in a druken disguist of this plastic existance! Sermon's Disease was meant to be pure hatred and filth, a fuck off to everyone! It is our ultimate tribute to darkness and death!

Do you see two sides to the "coin of life," or just emptiness and darkness and filth. Do you consider yourselves Nihilists? Explain, please. If so, where does my perception of beauty in the naked body of a beautiful 21 year-old girl fit in? Is there an aspect of such a thing as this that is beneath the surface, that is ugly indeed?

MAELSTROM- There is no darkness without light, yet there is so much more darkness. And I see the beauty in it, in the darkness itself. There is a dark pleasure to be found in that naked beauty you described... the lust for flesh that consumes most of the world and defies the path of a rightgous man of god.

I am a drummer for 12 years now. I began with a few lessons for basic rudiments, but quickly ended that in favor of sheer practice. My favorite drummer is of course the mighty Emperor Proscriptor McGovern of the Glenorchy District. I am always interested in drummers that also perform vocals, whether backing or leading, the latter being the case with the mighty Proscriptor. Tell me about your methods here.

MAELSTROM- SCUM programmed the drums on Sermon's Disease using a drum machine, but I now handle the drums using a different drum machine. The drums are basic as much as the guitars are. If we were to ever play live it would be with a session drummer.

I see that I am dwelling on this, but Proscriptor once mentioned his theory that Black Metal revolves in five-year cycles between the States and Europe, and that currently the US is the forefront in the battle for Black Metal survival. What do you think about this interesting idea?

MAELSTROM- I think that Black Metal's best scene was originally Norway, then France, and now the Unitied States. I agree that at this point in time the US is playing the freshest and best black metal possible!

To this day I can not formulate with words what it is about pure Black Metal in the Beherit, old-school Darkthrone style that strikes me to the depths of my soul. What do you think gives pure Black Metal such power?

MAELSTROM- Black Metal is music from the soul! For the first time in metal it wasn't about getting singed and making money, but staying true to yourself and your beliefs! The murder and suicide and church arson that constantly surrounds this music is proof that it is more than music, and that the bands are so passionate about it that they take it to the extremes. That is why black metal continues to thrive after over a decade while death metal has gone bland and feelingless! And while Nu metal has died an embarassing death (a death the metalcore scene will soon have to face) in that decade, black metal continues to evolve and become stronger than ever!

What do you think of US bands such as Grand Belial's Key, Morbius, Absu and Blood Storm? These are my favorites. I never got into Judas Iscariot, Krieg, Leviathan, Xasthur, etc. much, but that's mainly from not hearing much of their material. Oh, and what about Demonic Christ? What do you think about this southern woman who defies so many conventions, yet appears stunningly in a photo' with a confederate flag bra? I am not wild about Demonic Christ's music, but I respect them for what they do, particularly Dana Duffey.

MAELSTROM- Dana Duffey has done more for USBM than most, and I think that in the end, that will be her legacy. She was just another example of black metal defying all the rules, and not having limitations in it's own. Judas Iscariot is one of my favorite bands and deserve's its seat on the USBM throne. Xasthur, Leviatithan, all those twighlight guys... they're keeping what black metal is all about- Originallyity, Creativity, personoal emotion, fucking darkness and evil! You could not play the shit these guys play without a heart of black!!!

Do you agree with me that a so-called Black Metal band with more than three members (MAYBE four) is a bunch of poofters?

MAELSTROM- Not at all, although you don't see 5 parallel ideas too often...

I'll end here. Please give me some final thoughts upon religion, no specific religion, but religion as a general phenomenon. Is it a plague upon the human soul and mind, a blight upon the potential of the human spirit, chaining the wolf Fenrir that rears within our hearts?

MAELSTROM- Religion enslaves our spiritual selves! The proof of religion being a mere tool of mind control is everywhere- in science, in history, in war! I bow down to no entity or religious figure! I have found a god in myself, I chose the path of master over slave!!! Awaken yourselves! Awaken the god within you!!!

Interview with Marco Kehren of Deinonychus and Bethlehem's S.u.i.Z.i.D. Album

- Firstly, I would like to ask you if you have Cathrin Campen's telephone number--do you? If so, I would like to have it.

Now, I once was in Germany as all of a sudden a pimp stands in front of me with a loaded Riot gun held in my face, asking the same question. Hey what should I have done eh!?!?! Get shot in the face? My balls???? Nah, he wanted Cathrin to work for him, and thus required her phonenr. I told him to wait, so I could reach for my cellphone in order to write the number down for him, but he just grasped the damn thing from me, and disappeared in his pink Cadillac…..

- I haven't yet acquired all of your albums, but I have heard some songs here and there (I will rectify this deficiency forthwith). I do have a copy of Mournument, which I located in a used record shop in an unlikely place (it seems that the best finds are often in the least likely of places). I was impressed immediately upon listening to Mournument. The introductory track sets a distinct mood of a forgotten domain in a shadowy world, where a great king--an incarnated praeternatural force--once ruled but now exists in the hinterlands of history and mythology. To cut short this tangent to an album review: I mean to say that this album keeps bringing Nosferatu to my mind. Wherefore? It doesn't matter.

I reckon you where riding the wrong dragon at that particular moment…. “Mournument” is about deceit, betrayal, vengeance and ultimately death as a result. Not quite the most fanciest of thematics, but with the word puzzles I’ve created, it’s a must to read. And of course to listenJ Now whenever Nosferatu should ever appear in your face/mind again when listening this album….Please consult a doctor!

In a nutshell: would you give me a rundown on the history of Darkland and the general ethos of Deinonychus and your music?!

Deinonychus was formed as a one-man band in 1992 set up in a blackmetal manner, later to be transformed into a more black/doom/death outfit. Originally formed as a serious hobby of mine, Deinonychus has grown over the years to an established band in the undergroundscene worldwide, with 7 full-length albums to count for. The 8th one called “Warfare Machines” is already on it’s way in October 2007. Meanwhile Deinonychus uses several guest musicians in a constantly changing line up. Apart from the vast majority of bands, Deinonychus is all about idealism rather than selling it’s soul to Madonna.

- Are you familiar with the term "psychic vampire"? These creatures exist throughout our world, using the Hollywood/Wallachia Vampire mythology as a foil to keep their activities unscrutinized.
The reason that I have to ask is that my roommate is one of these creatures. He can drain the lifeforce out of 20 people in a small room by just entering the room--I've seen it happen. So imagine what this psychic vampire does to me by merely waking up at 1500 in the afternoon--I call him "the human slug." He is weak and pathetic, and thus must feed off of the misery of others--a purely negative being. I have a strong constitution and will to live, so I can hold up against this creature's attempts to drain my "blood."
Have you had any trouble with these things? Do you have any advice for warding-off the leachlike attacks of these monsters?

I have to undergo these kind of aspects daily at work as I work with the criminally insane as one likes to refer to. So it’s like routine. Yet routine can be a trap from time to time…. Thus it can happen that when you drive home from work that you drive home with an empty shell. Rest nothing more to do, than go back to work the next day and collect your inner-life again.

- I am extremely curious about how you became involved with Jurgen Bartsch and Bethlehem. This is certainly my most revered band from Deutschland, and one of my favorite bands over-all. How did you meet and come to work with Bethlehem?

Bethlehem are long time friends of mine, I just happen to met them, hang around with them, as we shared mutual interests. The fact that I joined Bethlehem as a vocalist was because of Rainer Landfermann’s sudden leave from the band back in 1997. So, the guys asked me to handle the vocals and so I did, and we had lots of fun recording stuff like S.U.I.Z.I.D, Reflektionen auf’s sterben, Profane fettmilch lenzt elf krank. After 3 years I decided to leave the band, in order to concentrate more on Deinonychus again, and Bethlehem’s music was evolving from pure darkmetal into a more rock/NU/Dark-style which required a singer with more technical skills rather than be powerful and sick. That’s basically it. Well and since I’m from German origin, we just go along very well anyways.

- Where did the photoshoot for the S.u.i.Z.i.D. album take place? It looks like you guys broke into someone's house while they were away and took the pictures then and there. What are you holding in the picture towards the back of the booklet, ripped out plumbing?

The pictures were taken on the attic of Bartsch’s house. Yeah I was holding some ripped out plumbing which happened to be around. Oh damn, I still remember doing that photo shoot just like 1 hour after I returned from London, I was severely off the hookJ

- Which is your favorite Burzum album? Mine is Det Som Engang Var; the moods are quite various on this one.

Damn you…… “Det som Engang Var” is also my favorite, closely followed by “Filosofem”. Those albums will remain cult until the end of days, those days will never come back again, and it’s just about right, because there isn’t anything left.

- What is your usual recording set-up for Deinonychus? I believe that you are responsible for most--or all--of the music. Do you have everything all set up at home?

I actually do compose all music for Deinonychus, and arrange it all. My recording set up is obviously set up in professional studios as I have the privilege to record professionally in studios due the obvious agreements one has with a record company, and if you don’t… well than you’ve done something really wrongJ I use a POD Line 6 Rack straight into the mixing desk, using some software for amplifying alterations. Using a 7 string Ibanez guitar. In the first 7 years I also did the drums myself on a regular TAMA set, and used some dodgy bass guitar etc. Meanwhile I’m using session musicians on bas, and drums, using their own equipment.

At home I rehearse just with a simple 8-track Tascam recorder or computer generated studio software. Nothing fancy. I’m too modest to have all the tick tack at home just to rehearse. I was blessed with quite a well developed brain mass and store all riffs just inside my head, and with a raw constructed song base, I enter the studio and transform it into something nice for those who love it, and something horrible for those who loathe it.

- The Obligatory LSD/Magic Mushrooms Question. When I first started interviewing folks, folks just like you, I decided for some reason to ask every single person what their experiences and/or thoughts on LSD, psilocybe (Magic) mushrooms, mescaline (peyote), et caetera. I believe I have asked everyone with one exception, although I cannot remember which one the exception is. Anywho, tell me: what are your thoughts and experiences--if any there be--on LSD and similar psychedelic substances? With The Obligatory LSD/Magic Mushrooms Question I always get either a) a thrilling story, or b) a curt, "next question please" response.

Never tried them, except from the mushrooms. And I must say that mushrooms are rather underestimated as a drug. It just takes total control of one’s emotions and awareness, being in paradise one minute just to fall down from grace the other minute. Not exactly my cup of tea. Oh yeah….next question please……

- I read somehow/somewhere that you are working on a new album entitled Warfare Machines. Is this true? If so, I had better get my hands on the rest of your albums before you release a new one!

The new album is finished and due for release on the 12th of October 2007 by My Kingdom Music. And NO, don’t go buy the back catalogue….just buy the new one, because as every band would say in an interview…”Our new album is the best so far”…J

- What do you think about this latest technological/sociological shift of which the popularization of the MP3 player has been the catalyst? I mean, these shifts will continue and that is simply the way it is, but I have some gripes about the super-mega-mass-marketing of the MP3 player. They are so ubiquitous nowadays that they are like a new organ that humans have developed through evolution; you know what I mean? The most poignantly distasteful thing about MP3 players is, to me, that so many people use these things like portable juke boxes. This sounds innocuous enough, I know, but I have SEEN a person with an MP3 on shuffle-mode, who started listening to a random song in the middle of a Cannibal Corpse album, get bored after 40 seconds, skip to the next random song, which happened to be Det Som Engang Var by Burzum, from the Hvis Lyset Tar Oss album. That's fine, right? Wrong! Because after a minute or two, he SKIPPED TO ANOTHER RANDOM SONG! The next was some fucking pop song...I nearly took the MP3 player from him and threw it into a minefield (we were surrounded by minefields at the time). You don't DO THAT to a Burzum album; it's not just a light meal that you can put in the refrigerator and microwave later when you're hungry again! I'm sorry, but this is very upsetting to me.

I must give you credit for that. I mean…Or society is moving in to a fast and easy to use society without too much thinking or handle. What is more comfortable? To have….5 cd’s in your cd-rack, get them out one by one to listen( and cherish them)….or put the whole lot on a Mp3 player or IPod and get mindfucked !?!? One can look at this from two perspectives, one.. is just easy and fast listening of randomly picked songs without even taken the time to get into it. The other one is, one values the art created by artist made on cd, buy the cd in order to support the artist and uphold a piece of music culture which is at the verge of dying!!!!!! It’s all about being raised by certain values and standards…. I mean…I’ve been grown up in a generation which valued any form of art and cherished it as a piece of world culture, be it music or written art, or visual art etc. it somehow doesn’t seems to matter anymore in these days. Everywhere you go, you see cd stores decline, bookstores decline, libraries closing, museums losing their funds at the verge of closing or raising entrance prices, which scares away visitors. I give you that, with today’s development in building high-tech media-storage sets, multimedia centers and such….. who needs a cd player anymore, or a dvd player or a book, they’re plenty of e-books to find on the net right!?!?! Who cares anyway, most people sit at home, not even buying cd’s anymore, or go buying a book or so. This is a new generation, and a rapid development in the opposite direction……

Nevertheless, I just wanted to mention that I owe an Mp3 player myself, but it’s just for easy listening when I get my tan at a solarium.

The question that is the pith of my little rant is: do you see the Omni-presence of MP3 players as a threat to music as an art? Do you see people everywhere around you, as I do, using recorded music as a background filler for their meaningless daily activities? Does my question even make sense? Do you think I'm a bit "loopy"?

Yes yes yes yes….you’re just about right again. With this kind of music storage facilities we lose a tremendous piece of music culture, and the need to value it. But since most people don’t care anyway…I guess we’re talking to deaf ears here….. What can I say….. I’ve grown up with the classic Vinyl’s in the early 80ties….no one takes that away from me… those times where the golden years. Back then one really appreciated music as art and cherished it. Doesn’t mean that nobody does nowadays. But… It’s up to the next generation to decide what happens next…

- Who is your favorite composer from the 19th century? And from the 20th century?

Definitely Richard Wagner, Giuseppe Verdi, and Peter IIyich Tchaikovsky as being 19th century composers. Let me see….20th century….Mike Oldfield, Vangelis or film score composers like Phillip Glass. Those composers definitely contributed and made music a valuable piece of art and piece of culture, even history.

- Who are some of your favorite authors, in any whatever language?

• Charles Baudelaire (In Spanish).
• John Milton (In English).
• Guido Knopp (In German).
• R.Holt (In Dutch).

Of course there are many more authors I could mention, but are not essential nor are the above. I reckon you’ve seen that I can read in 4 languages….keeps my brain distracted from filth…..

-Well, I want to keep my questions limited to a reasonable number, so I'll end this interrogation.
Feel free to add any information that I didn't directly ask you about--I'm not very good at these!

So???? Are you implying that I’m good at it????? JFirst of all let me show you my gratitude for this most interesting interview! Thanks! I hope that those who read this piece, can put some inspiration from it or having a good time reading it.

Last but not least….watch out for Deinonychus’ new album “Warfare Machines” which will be released by Oct.12th 2007. By My Kingdom Music from Italy. And yes…what are you gonna do????? BUY IT, not phishing it from Soulseek or whatever J Thanks to all people worldwide who’ve supported Deinonychus all over the years so far….damn it are already 15 Years!!!

Oh, one small thing or appeal…… if there are any interesting partners who are willing to release the new album “Warfare Machines” as a licensed Pic.LP or LP, please contact My Kingdom Music at info@mykingdommusic.net or info@deinonychus.net

Interview with Paul of Grind Corps

I was surprised at myself for having the tenacity to ask Paul of Grind Corps to answer my questions; I was even more surprised when he condescended to reply! Anyone who knows anything about the Canadian underground metal scene knows that Grind Corps is the most groundbreaking musical entity to be spawned from the Northern Abyss. Secrets are revealed here that may not have been so secret before, or now for that matter, but it nevertheless sounds good when I introduce the interview this way!

PK of GC: Ok, sounds good dude. No worries, I'm a professional at this kind of thing. I do phone surveys all the time, it's a kind of pastime for me.

-In the early days of Grind Corps, the line-up consisted of yourself, Chris and the drum machine--did this drum machine have a name? He was quite good, if a little gung-ho.

Ah yes the old drum machine, which has since been sold to some sketchy guy with plastic windows on his car. No, that thing didn't have a name. We weren't very creative then, as you can tell from the "music."

-Your latest, Esprit de Grind Corps, is extremely mature relative to your older stuff; obviously, having a real lineup must have something to do with that. Has GC been shown any interest by labels, North American or otherwise?

That album is a hell of a lot better than the old crap. We knew we could make some good metal if we actually put a litte effort in. Having a real drummer who was pretty damn good helped. We haven't been shown much interest at all. That's most likely attributed to us never sending out any promos.

-You played a number of shows in Ottawa, one of which I was present at. I recall a drunken but eager fan who, when you announced that you were going to play your hit "Satan Owns the Dancefloor," yelled out "Jesus owns NO dancefloor!" Tell me about any other crazy fans you may have had along the way.

That was the show at the long gone Underground I think. But it's true, Jesus has no dance skill, but fuck you should see Satan bust a move. We haven't had too many weird fans, some annoying little wanker kids and that's about it.

-Paul has travelled in Ireland and Finland. Does GC have any plans to play in Europe?

It's highly unlikely that will happen. If I was so get a well paying job somewhere in Europe and live there for a while, it could happen.

-What was your perception of the metal attitude in those countries--no doubt superior to the North American ignorance and pop culture sterility.

Well, in Ireland there's next to no metal scene. It's not too common to see metalheads even in Dublin where I've spent most of my time. Yet in Finland the scene is huge. It still amazes me how big the scene is there. The metal scene is superior but there's still the same pop culture sterility over there. It's really not so different from Canada.

-I heard a rumor that erstwhile PM of Canada, Jean Chretien personally invited GC to play at Parliament Hill on Canada Day, 2004--is this true?

That is indeed true. Unfortunately the drum machine and all the beats were gone, and his favorite song was Satan Owns the Dancefloor... Needless to say once he found out we couldn't play that song like on the CD he told us to fuck off in a slobbery French slur. That's ok though, it gave us an excuse to tell the head Liberal to fuck off.

-How did you and Chris meet? Also, how did you find the drummer and guitarist, who now round out GC?

We played hockey together as kids like most Canadians and met through that. Some of our friends knew Tyler before us and told us he was a good drummer. We messaged him over the net and sent him a song we had done with Connel. He liked it, we jammed, and that was it, it went fast. We had this dude James playing bass on the album who we knew from University. I play guitar on the album, but bass live at some later shows.

-Having seen you play 6-stringed bass, I must ask: who are your favorite (oh wait, "favourite," I forgot you Canadians don't speak or write in proper American English...) bassists? I think you mentioned Phil Lynott once...

I think Canadians spelling like that is just a lame attempt by the government to try and make us feel somewhat different that Americans. Phil Lynott wrote good songs and was an awesome frontman. I'm actually wearing a Thin Lizzy shirt now. I don't think he was a great bassist, metal is more impressive to me. Steve Harris, DiGiorgio, Martin Ain, Lemmy, Helmkamp are some awesome bassists.

-I charged you with the task of locating my estranged uncle, Nuclear Holocausto, while you were in Finland; what were you able to learn of his whereabouts from your investigations?

I asked Mika Luttinen once, but he was pissed and it was loud. I asked the bassist of Impaled Nazarene Arkki his whereabouts and he had no idea. I asked some of my buddies what they thought and they guessed somewhere in Oulu. It seems like no one really knows at all. I guess your uncle wants it that way.

-Who do you think would win in a fight--Jesus Christ or the Prophet Mohammed?

Well Mohammed of course! He's a muslim, they only ever fight when thier numbers are greater. It happens all the time here, a group of muslims will jump a single infidel at a local cinema or bus stop.

-You're a Mick, so you must like James Joyce....right? Have you ever witnessed the annual Bloomsday celebrations in Dublin?

I tried reading Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, but it was incomprehensible. I don't think I've experienced those celebrations, and to be honest I don't even know what it is. I left Ireland when I was 6, and I've been back 6 times in the past 9 years or so.

-How many beers can you drink before you are unable to remember how to play your songs, or to play at all for that matter?

That would probably be somewhere in the region of 12 or so. Throw in a jew [sic] joints and make it 3 or so. I usually always play sober.

-Who are some of the bands you've played with, or opened for, as the case may be?

We actually got to open for Behemoth, that was awesome. We opened for Anvil. They suck and are old geezers, but it was a fun show. Other than that we've only really played with local bands.

-Damn...I'm running out of ideas...blue or green?

Black.

-Oh yeah, my obligatory question: What is your opinion of/experience with hallucinogenic drugs such as LSD, psilocybin (Magic Mushrooms)?

I'm not much into those type of drugs at all, I much prefer smoking weed. I did LSD once and while it was amazing, I'll never do it again. It was simply too much for me. Mushrooms are fun, they grow in dung. I've had them twice, and would do it again here and there. It's a good drug.

-Is it true that GC and the Ottawa-based band Mog Ruith have a long-standing blood-feud that has yet to be settled and can only end when one band's members kill the other's?

It's more or less like Burzum vs. Mayhem, but here in Ottawa. I've never got to see that band, unfortunately. I think they are defunct now. Sergei is a cool guy, good at installing pickups.

-Have you ever heard of the band Dwarf Grinder?

I have, and I have also heard them as well. If I remember correctly there were three tapes altogether. I remember liking the second one the best. Some good prank calls, classic! Lets start a rumor of a reunion.

-Coffee, tea or NoDoz?

What's a NoDoz? I'm gonna have to say Water.

-Finally, when will Canada finally swallow its pride and rejoin the United States as the 51st state, which it already, de facto, is?

Canada is more or less part of the US. I hope we don't join you fuckers, but it could happen. There's really nothing holding Canada together, well, other than mediocre beer and tree sap