I was surprised at myself for having the tenacity to ask Paul of Grind Corps to answer my questions; I was even more surprised when he condescended to reply! Anyone who knows anything about the Canadian underground metal scene knows that Grind Corps is the most groundbreaking musical entity to be spawned from the Northern Abyss. Secrets are revealed here that may not have been so secret before, or now for that matter, but it nevertheless sounds good when I introduce the interview this way!
PK of GC: Ok, sounds good dude. No worries, I'm a professional at this kind of thing. I do phone surveys all the time, it's a kind of pastime for me.
-In the early days of Grind Corps, the line-up consisted of yourself, Chris and the drum machine--did this drum machine have a name? He was quite good, if a little gung-ho.
Ah yes the old drum machine, which has since been sold to some sketchy guy with plastic windows on his car. No, that thing didn't have a name. We weren't very creative then, as you can tell from the "music."
-Your latest, Esprit de Grind Corps, is extremely mature relative to your older stuff; obviously, having a real lineup must have something to do with that. Has GC been shown any interest by labels, North American or otherwise?
That album is a hell of a lot better than the old crap. We knew we could make some good metal if we actually put a litte effort in. Having a real drummer who was pretty damn good helped. We haven't been shown much interest at all. That's most likely attributed to us never sending out any promos.
-You played a number of shows in Ottawa, one of which I was present at. I recall a drunken but eager fan who, when you announced that you were going to play your hit "Satan Owns the Dancefloor," yelled out "Jesus owns NO dancefloor!" Tell me about any other crazy fans you may have had along the way.
That was the show at the long gone Underground I think. But it's true, Jesus has no dance skill, but fuck you should see Satan bust a move. We haven't had too many weird fans, some annoying little wanker kids and that's about it.
-Paul has travelled in Ireland and Finland. Does GC have any plans to play in Europe?
It's highly unlikely that will happen. If I was so get a well paying job somewhere in Europe and live there for a while, it could happen.
-What was your perception of the metal attitude in those countries--no doubt superior to the North American ignorance and pop culture sterility.
Well, in Ireland there's next to no metal scene. It's not too common to see metalheads even in Dublin where I've spent most of my time. Yet in Finland the scene is huge. It still amazes me how big the scene is there. The metal scene is superior but there's still the same pop culture sterility over there. It's really not so different from Canada.
-I heard a rumor that erstwhile PM of Canada, Jean Chretien personally invited GC to play at Parliament Hill on Canada Day, 2004--is this true?
That is indeed true. Unfortunately the drum machine and all the beats were gone, and his favorite song was Satan Owns the Dancefloor... Needless to say once he found out we couldn't play that song like on the CD he told us to fuck off in a slobbery French slur. That's ok though, it gave us an excuse to tell the head Liberal to fuck off.
-How did you and Chris meet? Also, how did you find the drummer and guitarist, who now round out GC?
We played hockey together as kids like most Canadians and met through that. Some of our friends knew Tyler before us and told us he was a good drummer. We messaged him over the net and sent him a song we had done with Connel. He liked it, we jammed, and that was it, it went fast. We had this dude James playing bass on the album who we knew from University. I play guitar on the album, but bass live at some later shows.
-Having seen you play 6-stringed bass, I must ask: who are your favorite (oh wait, "favourite," I forgot you Canadians don't speak or write in proper American English...) bassists? I think you mentioned Phil Lynott once...
I think Canadians spelling like that is just a lame attempt by the government to try and make us feel somewhat different that Americans. Phil Lynott wrote good songs and was an awesome frontman. I'm actually wearing a Thin Lizzy shirt now. I don't think he was a great bassist, metal is more impressive to me. Steve Harris, DiGiorgio, Martin Ain, Lemmy, Helmkamp are some awesome bassists.
-I charged you with the task of locating my estranged uncle, Nuclear Holocausto, while you were in Finland; what were you able to learn of his whereabouts from your investigations?
I asked Mika Luttinen once, but he was pissed and it was loud. I asked the bassist of Impaled Nazarene Arkki his whereabouts and he had no idea. I asked some of my buddies what they thought and they guessed somewhere in Oulu. It seems like no one really knows at all. I guess your uncle wants it that way.
-Who do you think would win in a fight--Jesus Christ or the Prophet Mohammed?
Well Mohammed of course! He's a muslim, they only ever fight when thier numbers are greater. It happens all the time here, a group of muslims will jump a single infidel at a local cinema or bus stop.
-You're a Mick, so you must like James Joyce....right? Have you ever witnessed the annual Bloomsday celebrations in Dublin?
I tried reading Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, but it was incomprehensible. I don't think I've experienced those celebrations, and to be honest I don't even know what it is. I left Ireland when I was 6, and I've been back 6 times in the past 9 years or so.
-How many beers can you drink before you are unable to remember how to play your songs, or to play at all for that matter?
That would probably be somewhere in the region of 12 or so. Throw in a jew [sic] joints and make it 3 or so. I usually always play sober.
-Who are some of the bands you've played with, or opened for, as the case may be?
We actually got to open for Behemoth, that was awesome. We opened for Anvil. They suck and are old geezers, but it was a fun show. Other than that we've only really played with local bands.
-Damn...I'm running out of ideas...blue or green?
Black.
-Oh yeah, my obligatory question: What is your opinion of/experience with hallucinogenic drugs such as LSD, psilocybin (Magic Mushrooms)?
I'm not much into those type of drugs at all, I much prefer smoking weed. I did LSD once and while it was amazing, I'll never do it again. It was simply too much for me. Mushrooms are fun, they grow in dung. I've had them twice, and would do it again here and there. It's a good drug.
-Is it true that GC and the Ottawa-based band Mog Ruith have a long-standing blood-feud that has yet to be settled and can only end when one band's members kill the other's?
It's more or less like Burzum vs. Mayhem, but here in Ottawa. I've never got to see that band, unfortunately. I think they are defunct now. Sergei is a cool guy, good at installing pickups.
-Have you ever heard of the band Dwarf Grinder?
I have, and I have also heard them as well. If I remember correctly there were three tapes altogether. I remember liking the second one the best. Some good prank calls, classic! Lets start a rumor of a reunion.
-Coffee, tea or NoDoz?
What's a NoDoz? I'm gonna have to say Water.
-Finally, when will Canada finally swallow its pride and rejoin the United States as the 51st state, which it already, de facto, is?
Canada is more or less part of the US. I hope we don't join you fuckers, but it could happen. There's really nothing holding Canada together, well, other than mediocre beer and tree sap
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